So Sorry Grandma
It hit like a ton of bricks. The feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment at the realization that I am selfish. I remember how I watched you struggle to walk up the steps of your home in Jamaica, WI. You were crippled by the pain of arthritis in the knees. You labored to sweep the steps. And I offered no assistance. I turned a blind eye. Utterly unforgivable. I lounged, read and ate as you did your chores.
Daily you cooked lunch and dinner for us to eat. You never asked for help. You never commented on my laziness. Why didn't I volunteer to help? How could I have been so self-centered, self-absorbed, so selfish? Arthritis took over the joints in your fingers. You struggled to cut vegetables, meats, herbs, each dice, cut or chop caused you pain. But you never complained. You did what you had always done provided a meal for your family. You suffered in silence.
I sat back and watched you as you sorted and washed the laundry. I saw how your hands trembled as you hung them out to dry on the clothesline. I noticed how the clothes pins would drop to the ground because you could not grasp them. But did I help? No! Worthless.
You are no longer here for me to tell you how sorry I am. You are not around for me to show you that I have changed. You are no longer here for me to show you that I love you. Grandma, I am so very sorry. I wish that I had shown you love. I wish that I had helped you when I could of. I wish that you did not go to your grave with the memories of the selfish me.
As I watched you do your duties I learned something about love. Love is not dependent on what others do. Love is at all times. Duty is not dictated by how others respond. It does not matter what is going on. Unselfishness is not determined by how others treat you. It is who you are at the core.
In all that you did you showed me Jesus. In all that you did I felt His love. In your silence I was won to the cross. In your understanding I forged a new relationship with God. Because of your tolerance I desired to change. Yours was a life of witness. Thank you for showing me the road to the Lord, through your silence.
Daily you cooked lunch and dinner for us to eat. You never asked for help. You never commented on my laziness. Why didn't I volunteer to help? How could I have been so self-centered, self-absorbed, so selfish? Arthritis took over the joints in your fingers. You struggled to cut vegetables, meats, herbs, each dice, cut or chop caused you pain. But you never complained. You did what you had always done provided a meal for your family. You suffered in silence.
I sat back and watched you as you sorted and washed the laundry. I saw how your hands trembled as you hung them out to dry on the clothesline. I noticed how the clothes pins would drop to the ground because you could not grasp them. But did I help? No! Worthless.
You are no longer here for me to tell you how sorry I am. You are not around for me to show you that I have changed. You are no longer here for me to show you that I love you. Grandma, I am so very sorry. I wish that I had shown you love. I wish that I had helped you when I could of. I wish that you did not go to your grave with the memories of the selfish me.
As I watched you do your duties I learned something about love. Love is not dependent on what others do. Love is at all times. Duty is not dictated by how others respond. It does not matter what is going on. Unselfishness is not determined by how others treat you. It is who you are at the core.
In all that you did you showed me Jesus. In all that you did I felt His love. In your silence I was won to the cross. In your understanding I forged a new relationship with God. Because of your tolerance I desired to change. Yours was a life of witness. Thank you for showing me the road to the Lord, through your silence.
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posted by Secret Treasures @ 10:35 AM
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